KEBull$%!#

Today I ran to KEB (Korean Exchange Bank) to take care of a few last minute things before leaving for Japan this weekend.  I needed:

• Yen (Japanese currency)
• travel insurance

I was the only person there at 9:15 in the morning, so it should have been an easy operation - in and out.  But for some reason it wasn't.  And it never is.  I have never had a painless transaction with this stinking bank.
Let's go back a few months to lay down some understand for my frustration and borderline distain for this bank.

During the last week of July, I went to KEB to take care of a few banking matters before my trip.  I needed to:

• exchange money
• set up online banking
• get travel insurance

Having heard that Cambodia accepted mainly American dollars, I went with my home currency.  I exchanged Xwon into $200, and got $200 worth of Vietnamese dong.  First order of business - done.

While we were setting up online banking there was a bit of confusion, but in the end I signed some papers, got some stuff; all seemed good to go.  Second order of business - done.

But due to the confusion and the stress of not really knowing what was going on; somewhere in my mind I forgot to ask about travel insurance, so I left KEB uninsured.

Luckily this was during camp, so I could easily go back the next day.  However, I wasn't able to go back till two days later, but thank goodness I did because KEB stiffed my $100!

Here's a recap of how this error came to be known to me:

Me: (walk into KEB and 3 tellers look at me with scared faces)

Teller: Do you have all your money?

Me: What do you mean?

Teller: Did you have all your money?

Me: I don't know.  I didn't count it.  You're the bank, you should know!

Teller: Maybe there was mistake.

Me: What mistake?

Teller: Maybe you don't have all of your money.

Me: What?

Teller: I think we forgot $100.

Me: You think?

Teller: Could you go count money and come back?

Me: (death stare) Sure.

- - - Walk 10mins home.  Count money.  $100 short.  Walk 10mins back to bank - - - 

Teller: Did you have money?

Me: No.

Teller: Ok, we count.

Me: Please count both currencies.  I leave tomorrow!

Teller: OK

- - - Counts money.  $100 missing. - - - 

Teller: How did you know to come back?

Me: What? 

Teller: We didn't call you.

Me: (mind boiling now) Umm... I came back to ask about getting travel insurance.

Teller: Oh. Ok.  You can't have it.

Me: No.  I can.  I exchanged $400.  I can have it.

Teller: You exchanged $200 in dollars and $200 in Vietnamese.  You had to do $400 total. 

Me: But I did.

Teller: Yes, but you can't.

Me: I don't understand.  First you forgot to give me all my money and now I can't have travel insurance because my $400 is in two currencies?!

Teller:  Yes.  Here's some wet tissues instead.

Me: (mind has completed erupted.  I take the freaking wet tissues and leave.)

- - - Next day (Thursday - the day I leave!) I try to log on to my online banking to send money home to pay for this trip. - - - 

Computer: Log in failed.  Username does not exist

Me: (tried again, and again, and again.  Finally called help number.)

Operator: How can I help you.... (I explained what I was trying to do, she does stuff, I'm on hold, she comes back and tells me I do NOT have online banking.)

Me: What?  I went to the bank and signed up for it.

Operator: They didn't do it correctly.  You need to go back to the bank and fix it.

Me: No!  I have been to the bank twice already this week.  I had problems every time.  I am not going back.  I need this fixed now.  I leave the country in 3 hours!

Operator: Ok, please hold.

. . . 

Operator:  Ok, Ms. Redding a person from your local bank will come to your school and correct this problem.

Me: Thank you.

- - - Teller from the pervious days comes, with the branch manager and a translator (where the hell where you before!?!?!).  I sign more papers.  The take my Alien card, bankcard, Passport and go back to the bank.  They come back with my documents and some more papers and finally I have online banking.  30mins before I need to leave to catch my train to the airport, I complete my online transfer and spend enough won home to pay off this trip. - - - 

However, Korean online banking requires an online certificate.  You need to keep this in a safe place or else your account is hackable.  I choose to put mine on the USB on my keychain.  So what happens?

- - - Put USB in dock, do online bank, rush out the door and forget keys at school. - - -

After 2 weeks in SE Asia I come back to Korea - keyless - and for 3hrs I have to wait outside my apartment trying to get a hold of my co-teacher in order to get a locksmith to come to my rescue.
Was it the banks fault?  Eeehhhh... yes.  I blame the bank!

Now back to today.  Knowing all this from the past, I went to KEB prepared.

Me: I want to exchange money and get travel insurance.

Teller: Ok.

Me: I want 400,000won in Japanese yen.

Teller: (writes 1,000yen on a piece of paper and shows it to me.)

Me: (Really?!  This is how we're starting?!  1,000yen is less than $13.  I take the paper and write: 400,000won -> yen)

Teller: Oh. Ok (starts clicking away at her computer, gets out yen, counts out my money and hands it to me.  Says 'thank you' and 'goodbye' in Korean.)

Me: No.  I also need travel insurance.

Teller.  You can't have.

Me: (There is no boiling this time!  I'm over this shit)  Yes, I can.  I exchanged 400,000won in one currency.  I can have free travel insurance.

Teller: Korean-Korean-Korean-VIP-Korean-Korean.

Me: VIP?  What?

Teller: (talks to other teller for a bit, then the translator comes out.  Seriously!! Next time I'm going to phone ahead!! >.<)

Translator: You want free travel insurance?

Me: Yes.

Translator: You can't have it because you got VIP rate.

Me: What?

Translator: We gave you discount sale rate on the currency you exchanged.  When you get VIP rate you can't have travel insurance.

Me: Ok.  But I don't want the VIP rate.  I want travel insurance.  When I came in I said I wanted to exchange money and get travel insurance.

Translator: You can't have both.

Me: (Who wants punched first?!) I don't want both.  I want travel insurance.  I don't understand.  I have lots of foreign friends who use KEB, and they never have as many problems as I do.  It's very frustrating.

Translator: Ok, I understand.  Please pay more for travel insurance.

Me: (this shit is unreal.)

I fully understand that I am not in American, that KEB is not an American bank; but if this were America and if this were an American bank, there is no way this amount of incompetence would continuously go against the client!

You will not give me travel insurance after forgetting to give me all my money AND not notifying me about it?  You give me a service I don't want, yet refuse to give me the service I do want?!  How does that happen?  How is that good business?

Yes, the travel insurance only ended up costing me and extra 2,020won (less than $2), but the level of frustration it caused, the time wasted and the annoyance was absolute bull$%!%.

*Sorry, had to vent.