Hello Kitty

I've said it a few times throughout my blog - I'm a cat person.  It's not something I could really fight.  I was born into it.

My parents had cats before my sister and I were born, they still had cats when we were born, and we kept on having cats as pet while we were growing up.  

It started with just two, but over the years it grew and shrunk and grew again: 

• '85 - Two brown tabbys - Dusty and Dickens (mother and son) 


• '96 - I brought home a grey and white kitten - Patch
  
  
  
  • cat population = 3
  
  
  
  


• '97 - Patch got cancer and passed away
  
  
  
  • cat population = 2
  
  
  
  


• '99 - I brought home two more!  Midnight, all black except for a white chin and boots, and Tiger, a grey tabby with white chin and boots (sisters)
  
  
  
  • cat population = 4
    
    
    
    

    See the full gallery on Posterous

    
    
    
    
  
  
  
  


• '00 - Dickens, old and a bit deaf, got one of his back legs run over.  It was only a broken leg, but the stress was too much for his body and he passed away
  
  
  
  • cat population = 3
  
  
  
  


• '01 - Dusty (23 years old) was taken from our driveway and never seen again 
  
  
  
  • cat population = 2
  
  
  
  


• '02 - Numbers down, I brought home some more.  Two more!  Calico sisters - KC (White nose) and Fritzi (black nose)
  
  
  
  • cat population = 4
    
    
    
    

    See the full gallery on Posterous

    
    
    
    
  
  
  
  

And for a long time it stayed at 4 - Tiger, Midnight, KC and Fritzi.  Two sets of sisters.   

When Heather went off to college she felt the void of not having a cat so she adopted a black kitten, Bud.  (cat population = 5)

Then I went off to college and felt the same void.  So I did what I'd been doing for years - I got a kitten.  Chloe, a beautfiul long haired calico.  (cat population = 6)*

See the full gallery on Posterous

I love her!!  I don't ever want to be without her!  I took her with me when I moved to DC; however, (according to my father >.<) Korea was a bit too far of a move for Chloe to make, so I came alone.  And after living my entire life with a cat - or several - around, it was a really lonely adjustment to get used to having no four-legged-fluff-of-fur lurking around, brushing up against my leg and sleeping near me at night.  I'm a cat person!!  I need a cat!!

See the full gallery on Posterous

So you can only guess how excited I was when I discovered that there was a cat cafe in my neighborhood!!

I should explain that this is a normal thing for Korea.  Until recently, not many Koreans had pets, dog or cat.  Having a pet just wasn't a part of their culture.  Over the last half century, the country and its people have adopted many new aspect into their daily lives - pets being one of them.  But due to the fact that the majority of people live in small apartments and can not accomadate pets as we do in Western cultures, pet cafes have sprung up to fill the need!  For awhile I had only heard about them existing up in Seoul, but now - thankfully - they have made it south to Busan!

Michael and I had just finished having dinner, I think I must have been having a bad day (3/19), because he agreed to check it out with me.  Despite having just come from dinner (and still sore from badminton practice) I ran up four flights of stairs into a mini personal heaven.  Yang Yang Cat Cafe.  A room full of cats!!!  

See the full gallery on Posterous

The cafe has around 20 cats - which to a girl who is desperate for just one cat - it's fantastic.  Would I ever personally want to own 20 cats?  No!  I don't even scoop the litter boxes at home.  Just take off your shoes, change into slippers, use hand santiziers before you pet the cats, buy a drink for ~$6.00 and settle in amongst the crowd!  

It's a really great place to stop by every once in awhile.  I've been four times since discovering it, which perhaps is a bit much, but...  I'm a cat person.  

I went back the day after Michael and I found it, with Jill and Ashley (3/20).  A week later (3/26), I went back again with Michael.  The last time I stopped in (4/5) was to check if one of the grey cats had her kittens.  Still no babies, but you know I'll be be in again and again to check!!  

For ~$6.00 it's a great alternative to me getting a cat in Korea.  Although I still realllllllly want to have my own cat here, I'll make do by visiting the cat cafe.  I also wouldn't want to upset Chloe. ^^

 

*In '10 Fritzi was injured in a serious car accident and passed away.  Cat population = 5

Lasek

You know the saying 'Fight or Flight'?  Well for me it was more 'Flee or Pee'. 

At least that's how I felt when I was trying to keep myself in a motionless state while a laser danced across the corneas of my eyeballs.  Flee or pee! 

I was close to doing a bit of both when I had LASEK corrective eye surgery back in March (3/8), but thankfully I did neither!

 

Pre-surgery

My eyes were bad.  Which, as I've learned is an expression that everyone likes to apply to their eyeballs should they be anything below a -2.00.  But trust me when I say mine were really, really, reallllly bad.  

For a visual look at what it was like to be me without contacts, have a look at this site.  Change the level of blur setting to the very top, 20, and you'll see how life looked to me.

Pre-surgery, my eyes required corrective lenses 24/7.  I wasn't in the -2.00 or even the -4.00 range.  I was 2x that in horribleness.   

These were my contacts.  Left -7.50, Right -9.00.  As I said, realllllllly bad.

So when I was initially considering having laser eye surgery, I gave it only a 10% chance that I'd even qualify for the procedure.  But I was going to give it a shot!  I tossed my contacts and wore my glasses for 2 weeks (to allow my eyeballs to go back to their natural shape.  Did you know wearing contacts changes the shape of your eyeball?  I did not!) and set my appointment for the preliminary exams.  

The exam includes about 10 tests that have to be done in order to determine whether or not a person is a candidate for surgery.  Some of them were the standard tests you do during regular check-ups at the eye doctor:

• cover one eye and read the chart // cover the other eye and read the chart


• focus on the fuzzy barn without blinking while the machine records something


• stare into the middle of the spherical machine and click the mouse every time you see a tiny, faint flash around the perimeter of the device

But others were new:

• hold still while an eye care assistant pokes your eyeball with a tool to measure cornea thickness


• sit for 5mins, with your eyes closed, with a strip of paper hanging off your eyeball to measure tear production


• stare into a machine and try not to blink when a puff of air is shot into your eye

Start to end the tests took over an hour and were all heaps of fun.  Especially having to repeat the air puff test 3 times because, ooops I wasn't so good at that one.  Why wouldn't I want to let you shoot something into my eye!  Sounds like a great way to measure whatever it is you're measuring!  

Luckily my vision and eyes met all requirements!  My vision (per eye) was still under -10.00 (the cut off), my corneas were of an acceptable thickness and... this is Korea!  A quick chat with the eye care assistant about which procedure to have, when to have it and without any hesitation or concerns I was set up for surgery the following Thursday.  

I was taken to see the doctor so that she could have a quick look at my eyes and confirm which procedure I was going to have done.  Thinking back on it now it's a bit unsettling that they were asking me which method I wanted.  I am not the doctor.  I have only done research on the internet.  I am not the one to be offering the majority opinion as to which laser should be used to zap away corneal cells!!  But it's nice they asked?!  

After my meeting with the doctor, I was told to use a certain type of eye drops 4x a day and to pay half the surgical fee.  

So easy.  Too easy.  Making the decision to have LASEK was no more challenging than choosing which black purse to carry - tote or cross body (in guy speak that's like saying brown shoe or black shoe).  You'd think - I thought - it'd be more of a discussion, more of a process.  Apparently not in Korea.

I did do a fairly large amount of research on my own.  I feel comfortable saying I read through the entire Google search result for 'LASEK' and I'm sure I pushed my friend, Joshua, to murderous desires with how many questions I asked him about how his procedure went back in December.

So I might have made the decision quickly and easily, but I was ready and prepared.  

The week leading up to the surgery lots of people asked me if I was nervous or scared.  I wasn't.  I didn't even think about it much.  Not even on the day of surgery.  I wasn't nervous until I walked through the doors of BGN - which is a palace of an eye care facility!  This blog is all in Korean, but you can see from the pictures how amazing BGN is.  

Surgery

I paid the last half of the payment, redid a few preliminary tests and was asked to wait.  When it was my turn; my glasses and cell phone were taken from me, my shoes removed and I was taken by the hand and lead into the operating area where a triad of medicines were dropped onto my eyes and all the nurses kept coming up and staring/commenting on how small my face is.  A good pre-surgery pep talk!

Eventually I was deposited in a serene waiting area.  While there I was visited by my doctor.  Our exchange went something like this:

Dr: Hi Meagan, do you remember me?

Me: ... (yes, but I don't have a clue what your name is.  I could guess one of the 5 common last names, but it's probably not a good idea to insult you right before you take control of the laser so)... Yes! How are you?

Dr: I'm good.  Are you nervous.

Me: Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr: Don't worry, see you in there.

Me: (I can't see you now, I better be able to see you after!) Ok!

I waited another few minutes before a nurse came and guided me into the operating room and helped me onto the table.  

>>>>> This is where I wanted to flee! <<<<<

All that was running through my head was "OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!" and how my friend, Sharon, had said that when she had her surgery she wasn't able to keep her left eye focused on the green light, and as a result her vision in that eye isn't as good as the other!!  WTF!! "OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!"

I laid in silent agony as the doctor or nurses draped my eye and started attacking my eyeball with an overwhelming amount of washes and medicines.  Then all too soon it was:

Dr: Meagan are you ready?

Me: No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr: You'll be fine just look straight at the green light.

Me: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

Dr: Ok, let's start.

>>>>> This is where I wanted to pee! <<<<<

The green light appeared and so did the red haze of the laser - and with it came a buzzing noise that washed all other noises from my ears and the offensive smell of something burning.

Every molecule of my body felt as if they were vibrating and I was staging a losing battle to keep it still.  I had to focus on the green light!  I had to be able to see afterwards!!  

Dr: Meagan you did very good.  Now I'll do the left eye.

Me: Ok.

FFFFfffffffffffffffffff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Although my left eye has a lower prescription, it is my weaker eye.  Where are the body straps?!  Where are the drugs!!!  I was beyond freaking out at this point.  Having already completed half of the surgery, I was no more comforted than when we began.  Now, more than ever, Sharon's voice kept telling me how her left eyesight is the worse of the two.  FFffffffffffff!!!  Focus on the light.  Focus on the light!  Green Light!! Green lig... omg i can't see it!!  Where'd it go!!!  

Dr: Meagan don't move.

Me: Mmmmhmmm...

My body was screaming with a desire to run!  My nails were cutting into the palm of my hand.  Where's was the green light!!

Dr: Meagan don't move.  I'm almost done.

Me: Ok...

Dr: Done.

She's done!  Thank you Jesus!!  It was over in under 15mins - the scariest 15mins of my life!

Post-surgery

Protective lenses were placed on my eyes to help them heal following the surgery and I was given a bulk supply of artificial tears, three kinds of eye drops and super sweet protective eyewear to tape to my face at night!  Hottttt!

Unfortunately, the protective lenses were causing more pain than they were helping so on the second day after surgery I went back to the clinic and had to have them removed (mother ffffffffffffer that hurt) and new ones put in.  Things were a lot better after that!

 

It's now been six weeks since I had my surgery and my vision is good, my eyes are healing and I'm down to one set of medical drops.  

The question I get the most is 'How are my eyes? Are they better than before?'.  I'm not sure how to answer question.  Not because I wouldn't recommend the procedure - Do it!!  Play with lasers and fight the urge to flee or pee - but because are they better than before?  I still have good and bad days.  There are times when soft features, like faces, far away are blurry, small objects are hard to focus on and bright lights are painful; but the main reason why I can't answer that question is because I feel as if I see just as well NOW as I did when I wore contacts.  

So in a way I guess my eyes are great!  Because they are seeing clearly, unaided! 

What a year looks like

As you all know, I'm amazing at keeping up with and reporting on a regular basis how life is for me here in Korea.   Blogger of the year award!

Right.  

No.  

I'm shit.  

I post about once a month and then when I do blog, I post ~4 at one time.
Yay past tense! You keep my blog alive!

What I am good at is keeping track of daily events in my planner.  

So here's a little look at what life was like my first year in Korea.

A little place called Wadsworth

I am the byproduct of a Midwest (yes I know Ohio isn't really the "West" but I did not draw up the regional divisions of the United States) middle class, suburban town/city/not really sure.  

We had block parties growing up, the neighborhood kids would play games across everyone's backyard till the street lights came on, fathers would wave to each other as they made passes with the lawn mower, high school kids would babysit elementary kids from around the corner, you went to church, you knew your neighbors and everyone would gather for the big events.   

It's what you'd picture when you say 'small-town America' and it is where I come from.

I love that I'm from there.  I love that I had that upbringing.  I loved visiting it when I was home for a few days in February.

 

My visit home was great.  

Saturday (2/18) - I got in after an easy, uneventful ~20 hrs in transit, was greeted by my mom at baggage claim, picked up by my dad curbside (no cat in the car!! I keep telling them to bring Chloe but they never listen!! >.<), gave Heather a quick ring on the phone and headed for home.  The rest of the day was passed with family; mainly me on the couch in a state like this...

Sunday (2/19) - My parents hosted a 'Welcome Home' gathering for friends and neighbors.  The food was piled high in both the dining room and kitchen with endless scores of cookies being brought by family friends!!  It was great to see everyone and eat home cooked dishes!

A few of my best friends from high school came by too!  L-R: Kirsten, me, Brittany and Maryanne (she's since had her baby!!)

Monday (2/20) - I met with Brittany and Maryanne and her daughter Olivia (not the one in her belly, that one is Aubrey) for breakfast - a treasured tradition of ours.  Except this time we couldn't go to our favorite spot - Bob Evan's, their food is delicious by their service is s--l--ooooo--w - because Maryanne had to get back to Toledo for a doctor's appointment.  Following my second breakfast (I had woken up at 4am and had 1st breakfast then ^^), Heather and I went shopping.  We went to TWO malls.  Korea doesn't have malls like in America, so it was fabulous (and expensive) to wander around proper stores, western styles and size ranges based for people of non-tiny-Asian-decent.

Tuesday (2/21) - I can't recall what happened this day.  I think I spent most of it on the couch again...

That night I went out for another beloved tradition - wings and beers with Jaymie and Kate!!!

These two came into my life when I moved back to Ohio after living in DC.  I didn't even want to stay in America, I had been doing serious research to move away for a few months to do a WWOOF exchange to repair the damages all the hostility and anger DC had exposed me too. Perhaps not willing to let me go, my mom suggested I look for a job around home, my dad suggested I connect the local universities and see about an internship.  I did both, got both and didn't leave Ohio.  But as I said Kate and Jaymie came into my life.  We were co-workers at a dog shop.  Me, a diehard cat lady, was working in a dog shop!  I don't think it helped me fit in right away, but soon we all fell in love and became great friends!!  The only down side to seeing them was that I wasn't able to drive.  So like a really cool kid, I had to have my dad pick me up, and due to that I wasn't able to stay out very late.  It was still amazing to see them!! and the wings were just as good as always!

Wednesday (2/22) - My parents and I drove up to Michigan - Ohio's rival to the north - to see my mom's side of the family.  I hadn't seen some of this for a very long time so it was wonderful to be able to spend the entire day with them, sharing stories, laughing at jokes and hearing about how everyone's lives have changed while I've been away.  You would think I wouldn't need to hear this stuff, that my mother would share bits and pieces as they took place, but my mother tends to act as a dam of information - she collects it, but she also doesn't let it go. ^^ 

Thursday (2/23) - More of this...

See the full gallery on Posterous

But at night it was this!!!!

OMG I love the sushi at Kasai.  It is one of Kirsten's and my amazing traditions.  I love it.  I love it.  I love it.  

Friday (2/24) - Saturday (2/25) - STEFANIE CAME TO VISIT! <3  Stef and I became friends freshman year of college when my dad said hello to her while we were both waiting to get our room keys during early move-in for volleyball.  Never in my life would I want to be on a reality TV show, but had a camera crew been around to tape even 5% of the madness we had together in college I'd never stop laughing.  She's amazing and I miss her in life so it was incredible to be able to spend real time with her talking and discussing everything and nothing about our lives, life and all the good, bad and ugly in Hollywood!

Sunday (2/26) - I went to the beloved Walmart to pick up a few goods for friends back in Korea.

Needless to say it was quite a haul!  I packed it all in my suitcase along with everything else in preparation for the next day's flight. :-/  Later in the evening Kirsten came over to watch the Oscar's

Monday (2/27) - After 10 too short days at home it was time to head to the airport and make my way back to Korea.  I was expecting another departure like my first, but thanks to the kind Delta check-in attendant I didn't have time for that.  

I had walked up to the counter expecting the kind lady to gladly and warmly help me check in for my flight.  However, this was not so.  What she did do was point me to the self-check in station so that I could leave her to continue sitting as she was.  But alas I did not have or know any of the three items of information you could supply to check in at the self-check in station so she had to get up off her lazy ass and help me.  Thankfully she did though, because my first flight was delayed which would have meant I missed my connecting flight to Japan and so on to Korea.  We went back to the counter (where I wanted to start this process (&@&*%^**!$#I_@*$@) and she looked up alternative means for me to make all of my flights.  What she came up with was an immediate departure for Minnesota which left me with SECONDS to say goodbye to my family, cut the line and quickly make my way to my gate before the jetbridge was pulled away from the plane!  I was able to make the plane but a quick hug and short 'I love yous' was all I was able to exchange with my family.  Not really the send off I was looking forward to when facing another year apart.  

 

But for as fun and wonderful as it was to be at home - seeing friends, eating American food, shopping and moving around in all the old familiar ways - it was also a bit choking.  

It's difficult to explain.  Moreover, it's difficult to explain in a way that fully makes sense to a person that isn't experiencing the same constrictions of being a 'should-be' adult emerging into life while struggling to find that life.  

I'm 26 with a degree and life experiences (that are amazing), but where will they lead me?  So far they've led me all over the world with one idea after another as to what I want for my life/future.  

In college I had no idea.  I was there just living.  Enjoying my life, my friends, some of my classes and functioning unscaled by the troubles of tomorrow.  But then tomorrow came - I graduated - and I cried, balled my eyes out really, over a really nice steak while my family looked on scared by this sudden outburst of emotional collapse that I was feeling.  Life as I knew it was over.  What was I going to do next.  

The standard idea in America says that next you should: get a good job, settle into a career, find your perfect someone, make babies and carry on as you do.  

All my friends are doing it!  Facebook tells me everyday that someone I know is either loving their job, getting married to their best friend or popping out another kid!  

Think I'm over exaggerating? Look at this photo again...

• Kirsten - Loves her job.  Married.  In the process of buying a house.  Owns a dog.


• Brittany - Is a teacher (so she loves her job on days when the kids aren't crazy - like any of the rest of us working in education).  Married.  Owns a home.  Owns a dog.


• Maryanne - Loves her job.  Married.  Has 2 babies.  Owns a home.  Owns a dog.


• me - . . .

I'm by NO means complaining about my life.  I'm fine where I am, but my point is that at home a person in my situation can easily feel choked by these unsaid, subconscious pressures that exist in society, a family, my head - wherever they are coming from I feel them when I'm at home. 

At home I feel that since I haven't stepped into the role of the typical American adult nor is what I'm doing with my life very common amongst the people from home, there seems to be an IDK factor.  I don't know what you're doing.  I don't know where you're going.  So IDK what do with you.  IDK factor (dibs on copyright, I just made this up).

And I'm sure anyone reading this would say it's just me.  It's only me who feels this way.  And yes!  It might be that way!  But because I do feel this way I can say that I feel choked and separated and displaced; and that when I'm at home I feel that because I don't know where I'm going or really what I'm doing past the current week or month, that the role and expectations for me and of me revert to a Meagan that people can easily and comfortably place into a category with which they are familiar.

 

In "small-town America" everyone seems so grounded, warm and truly invested in one another.  It's a place to grow up, a place to have a young family and a place to be a settled adult.

Check to the first.  Nowhere near the next two.  So Wadsworth I love you, but I just can't come back to you.  When the time comes for me to leave Korea and settle back in America it won't be Wadsworth,  IDK if it will even be Ohio.  I need to find my role first, find my place.