Duck Hunting

"Did you ever see anything quite as ugly as that great tall creature?"

That's how I feel.  I've always felt a bit like the 'Ugly Duckling'.  

I can't say why it is.  I know I'm not ugly, but it's just a feeling I've had about myself since... probably middle school - when other girls started to learn about makeup, and how to do their hair and pick out pretty clothes; I was the one with the bad bangs and hair pulled up in a ponytail/bun/rats' nest on top of my head, no real makeup skills and wearing t-shirts that were oversized.  I'm sexy and I know it.  No.  Those bangs were baaaaddd.  It was all bad. 

I'd say I didn't really come into myself until college.  And that's quite a late bloom.

After taking all those years to finally figure out my own face, body and hair it's really no wonder why I'm haunted with this 'Ugly Duckling' syndrome.  

Again, I know I'm not ugly, but I still find it discomposing to be told I'm "pretty".  My natural response is usually to say "No!".  That's not me, you have the wrong girl.  I'm the big ugly creature. 

So you can imagine how much my composure fell apart when my looks attracted some very unwanted attention Saturday night (6/16).

 

I had gone out with some friends to enjoy the night and one drink led to another, and then some tequila shots were bought, followed by another drink, a second round of tequila and fast-forward a few hours and everyone was feeling the effects and started to peel off and head for home.  I was not as smart.  My good friend, Eva, was celebrating her bar's 3rd anniversary and I wanted to stay out and celebrate some more.  

Lots of people were still out - some I knew, some I didn't; and being a friendly drunk I was talking to a lot of them.  One of the guys I happened to make polite conversation with must have had a few more drinks than I did, because he had his beer goggles on tight and he did not see the ugly duckling that he was talking to, but instead he seemed to find something he really fancied.  What I found was an overly eager older man, whose attention I did not desire and was trying my best to avoid.  

My efforts were for naught, because he did not leave me alone.  He followed me around the bar, would stand behind me or next to me while I was talking to other people and even when other friends told him to back off he merely responded with "I love her" and kept right by my side.  

I've never felt unsafe in Korea.  I've never felt threatened or in danger.  And perhaps it had something to do with the tequila shots I had earlier in the night, but in that moment, I felt scared.  Despite being in a crowded bar I couldn't get away from this man.  I just wanted to escape.  I just wanted him to leave.  I'm the ugly duckling!!  You're supposed to ignore me!!

I finally had to leave the bar to get away from him! I rushed down the stairs and crossed the road to another building, climbed to the 5th floor and sat alone in the dark to wait him out.  But he was seasoned hunter.  He followed me with ease and was nearly stalking me again had it not been for the help and saving of Mike and Marcus.  

Mike had only been an acquaintance before that night and I had never met Marcus - but now they are my saviors.  They followed me out of the bar and stood at the base of the stairs so that the man couldn't follow me.  They told him that he was upsetting me and that he needed to leave.  After a few minutes of back and forth with this man, he finally left.  

The rest of the night, Marcus and Mike hung out with me and kept nearly all other men from approaching me.  

It's not exactly how Hans wrote it, but all ducklings have to make it through the tough parts.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMLNTIZR620?wmode=transparent]

 

But what did he see in the clear stream below?  His own image; no longer a dark, gray bird, ugly and disagreeable to look at, but a graceful and beautiful swan.